Correcto Mundo by Catfish McDaris

Creepy Uncle Willy was the last resort,
but my parents had to go to a funeral,
getting into my pajamas, I noticed girlie
books in the bathroom, I was soon
walking the monkey, Uncle Willy yelled

You naughty boy, now I'm going to spank
you, it will hurt me more than you, he
lowered my p.j.s & underwear & bent me
over his lap with trembling hands

I could feel him getting hard & I thought
he wants to stick that up my asshole, I
jumped down & grabbed the toilet lid back
& smacked him upside his head

Blood exploded from his nose & his eyeballs
rolled white like hard boiled eggs, the cops
came & called my folks, at Uncle Willly's
funeral everyone looked at me strange

Ma said, don't pay any attention, Pa said,
fuck them, the preacher asked if anyone
wanted to say a few words, I stood & said
he was right, it did hurt him more than me.

She's Not Much For Small Talk by Catfish McDaris

"I haven't had any
in 5 years. I go home
every night & make
love to my hand"

He told me this
while riding
the elevator

A woman we knew
slightly got on,
she looked at my
pal & said, "Damn,
you're going to need
a bra soon"

I tried not
to laugh

Every Tuesday, we'd
drink beer & watch
Sheriff Lobo

Tuesday came,
he opened the door
a crack, "Hey, man,
I've got a date"

I thought
that's cool

Before he closed the
door I noticed a box,
bicycle pump, wig &
lipstick

All for his dipstick.

Flu by Catfish McDaris

I feel like dog crap
in a burning bag
in a yellow snow bank

Cat shitpuke in house shoes
squeamishly squeezed
between each toe

Slimy turds thrown into
my eyes by accurate
caged pedophiles

Boogers barf
a rat's asshole
set on fire
with gasoline.

Let Me Stand Next to Your Fire by Catfish McDaris

He asked me if I'd
read before him

"Sort of warm up
the crowd for
the main attraction"
he chuckled

I replied,"Sure,
remember the time
Hendrix opened for
The Monkees?"

Wrinkles of doubt
clouded his forehead.

Prose Poem: Catfish McDaris

Ballad of Pete Best or the Short Life of Van Gogh's Ear

That night we were cooking
on stage, sizzling cool

The audience leaning forward
catching every nuance & syllable

I nodded for you to
do your prearranged
Zeppelin Hendrix style
fretless bass solo

You ignored our plan,
I looked up & a punk
had your guitar

You were standing in
the back of the room
grinning with your squeeze

Folks were getting crazy
when this dude got funky
I knew then, it was time
to hire Ringo.

#

Letter Bomb From a Pacifist Poet After Frijoles

If I could seal
a fart
in this envelope

It would be my
reply to your
form rejection slip

Unfortunately the
volume of rejects
I receive

Prevents a personal
reply to each &
every one I get.